Things Are Bad.

Before I begin, I would like to start this off by saying that my feelings about the matter I am about to discuss have been expressed to many friends and acquaintances I have made during the past six months. Though they all agreed with the sentiments expressed, one prevailing theme kept being uttered by my friends. “Be careful”. I thought this was an interesting phenomenon, particularly due to the unanimous nature of it.

Be careful…from what? Or whom? wtf?

There was a direct answer to that, surprisingly. I was told people will get upset with me for talking about this, and some will get a bit defensive. When I joined this band of misfits/rebels/murmurers known as former JWs in April by coming out in public as one, I was shocked to learn that there are a lot of both spoken and unspoken rules. People not to cross. “Being careful” when speaking about certain subjects. I never expected to be told to “be careful” about what I said. It is what it is. People can agree or disagree, but the very fact that I need to be warned about possible reactions was and is a load of Kingdom Hall bullshit.   

Let’s get into this. When I moved out of my parent’s home in January of this year, having my own place meant freedom to research information that had been forbidden to me.  First impression I had gotten was that I had to read Crisis of Conscience. I have never once heard of Raymond Franz and It was definitely a must read. The book was captivating and at times I could not believe what I was reading. Other times things really started making sense to me, you know, the parts where women were to stay with their husbands through abuse. I was so impressed that I searched YouTube for more information about him, including interviews he had done and what other former JWs thought of him and his book. Ray didn’t do too many interviews, so the commentary on his work by other parties made up most of it. I really enjoyed JW Thought’s video that posed the question of who was the greatest activist of all time. 

Watchtower Secrets Have Been Exposed For Over 40 Years! Who is the Greatest Activist of all Time? - YouTube

Wally’s points about Franz resonated with me. I also found his demeanor friendly and welcoming. As a fellow animal lover, his cats crawling all over his desk made the experience all the more pleasant and I still regularly watch his content today. 

It was through this video that I was introduced to the name of Lloyd Evans. Wally mentioned him as a great resource “for many years”, implying that there has been some issues with him lately. I also heard about a lawsuit he had started, but curiously Wally did not say what it was about other than “defamation”. Regardless of that, I eventually found Lloyd when I resumed my search for info on Ray Franz. I came across this one from a couple years ago:

Will we ever see another high profile defection? - YouTube

I shared Lloyd’s sentiments about how Ray’s books drew you in and made you want to read more. He made a salient point about how Ray lived a life contrary to the stereotypical apostate who turns… say to immorality, drug abuse, and having his life in disarray. Ray lived an austere life with his wife in a modest home in Georgia. He did not go to protests and only gave opinions when asked to do so. He wasn’t this crazed man handing out flyers at KHs and he largely kept to himself. This video of Lloyd’s was one of his better ones and I subscribed. I later found out that he had an extensive library of videos going back to when he himself exited the religion. So amongst other exJW activists and YTers, Lloyd was among my favorites. 

In 2015 I was a teenaged auxiliary pioneer living with my family. The little money I had was from babysitting for women in the KH. JW Broadcasting was fairly new, so the following video was notorious for its open discussion of the WT’s finances.  It was called “Honor Jehovah with your Valuable Things”.

Online Video Library | JW.ORG Videos English

Lett didn’t mince words, hinting at several moments what the purpose of the episode would be. In a culmination of subtle reminders, Lett then stated: “We would like you to know something about our current situation. Then you can respond as your heart impels you”. 

He detailed it further:  “In doing the math, we found that the amount of money flowing out will be much greater than the amount of money that we have coming in at this time.” Lett then blathered about the projects worldwide that the organization was participating in, including building Kingdom Halls. 

The message was clear. We needed to pick up on our donations in order for these important projects to be realized. I know what effect it had in my family. My parents couldn’t bring their cards out quickly enough to donate. My mother told me later it was $500, which was and still is a lot for them. For my part, I took $100 out of the roughly $140 - $150 I had and placed it in the box for Worldwide Work. The crazy thing is that I wanted to do this. Neither my parents nor anyone from the Kingdom Hall pressured me to do this. I wanted to, at least I thought I did, and didn’t want these projects to have to be abandoned due to a lack of money.

On April 6, 2023, I had gotten a notification from my YouTube app that a new video was available from Lloyd Evans. This had caught me at a time when I was at home so I clicked on the notification. The title itself was shocking. “Things Are Bad”.

Things are bad - YouTube

Lloyd had stated that he had been damaged financially by an unspecified defamation campaign which reduced his patrons by more than half, leaving him with at a deficit of €500 to €700 a month. What specifically stood out to me was the defamation campaign he said was being waged against him, his huge financial losses, how he might need to fire Tibor and Dijana and produce less content and that it was all in the hands of the viewer whether or not his channel would continue as usual. It got my heart pumping and instilled within me a great sense of urgency.

I wasn’t a Patron at that point. I joined within the hour.

Lloyd quickly rebounded and his next video was one thanking everyone for the huge response he had gotten. My first thought was one of relief. He would not be leaving the community after all and would still be creating the videos I had enjoyed watching. I felt part of something and that I was making a difference. These wonderful projects he was describing would not have to be abandoned!

Shortly before this, I had begun creating new accounts on social media that were independent of the ones I had used as a JW. I began writing several articles for a planned blog. After several false starts due to payment requirements, I finally found a site that was suitable, and most importantly, free. I made my “coming out” post on xjw Reddit where I still frequent, and the response was extraordinary. People welcomed me and sympathized with my situation as a single mother of two who was about to launch divorce proceedings. Naturally people desired updates, and specifically why the divorce wasn’t filed yet. Though I had retained a lawyer, his retainer was not met yet. I have gotten offers of financial assistance, but it is not in my nature to accept the generosity of others, especially strangers. In my line of thinking, the marriage I had entered into voluntarily. I really did love him in the beginning and even into the early years of his patterns of abuse. This was my problem, and my responsibility to get out of. It was a Madison problem, and no one else’s. I do thank those who offered and you know who you are. But I have not accepted any money from anyone.

I was making friends left and right, and we all shared our own stories about one another and of course! -the “business” around the community we both shared. The subject of Lloyd Evans was a contentious one though. I had mentioned in passing that I liked his videos and was a financial supporter. Once his name was mentioned most tried to change the subject. I later found out that they were trying to avoid not offending me and causing “drama”. A few however were more vocal. I was finally getting to the root of what this defamation campaign was about. 

To be quite honest, I didn’t really bother to find out what this defamation campaign and Lloyd’s constant references to it were about. I am a friendly and outgoing person and try to avoid negativity. So looking up and researching “Lloyd Evans” and “defamation campaign” was not high on my list.

I found out the hard way that I wasn’t being given the correct information about Lloyd Evans. I was relying on his word alone, which is a familiar trap many of us can relate to as former JWs. So I was given a link to the livestream he created on January 31, 2022.I did not believe what I was hearing, and it was all coming from his own mouth. Up to that point I was under the impression that all this talk about Thailand trips and misuse of donations were all made up lies meant to discredit him. I had been given other resources such as rebuttal videos and even a Lloyd Evans website, but I wasn’t as interested in those as I was in the content Lloyd had created himself regarding the defamation. What I found was this:  Lloyd Evans has consistently changed his story regarding his infidelities, his visit to Thailand and the details surrounding this. For instance, he was correct in insisting that he did not admit to visiting sex workers in Thailand in the livestream.  This played a primary part of his claims of defamation. However, just a few days later he made a Facebook post which stated that he did in fact “meet” sex workers, and that the woman on his lap in the photos his wife leaked was not a sex worker, confusing things even more. In the Andrew Gold video, he expanded upon this and had stated that he was dating a sex worker. 

I might be a recently exited JW, but I know enough about the world to know that people don’t “date” sex workers. There was an exchange of money involved. He’s misrepresenting information to us and slandering people who are calling him out for it. Why is he lying? If a single man were to leave his family like Lloyd did for a solo trip to Thailand, it’s common knowledge what it is for, in spite of Lloyd’s efforts to reframe the issue as one of “racism” as he told Andrew Gold.  For those who still think this is nobody’s business, it might do yourself well to consider the fact that BOTH parties in the Evans marriage have made public what their grievances were, especially Lloyd. He volunteered private information about the sex life of him and his wife which no one had been speaking about. He placed it out there for public consumption. One cannot undo that damage, and suing people for repeating what he said is not the answer.

When you know that someone is being untruthful about something, you also know that their credibility is shot. Now let’s return to the video in question, the “Things Are Bad” one. Lloyd made several claims in that video that I had believed. He was being defamed, and as a result his patrons dropped and now he was in a financial deficit of €500 to €700 a month. Later in the video if you listen carefully, Lloyd contradicts himself and says the “defamation has failed”. Which is it? If the defamation has drawn him into financial debt and forcing him to lay off people, then it has definitely not failed. This is the kind of doublespeak that leads people to really dislike the man.

On the final weekend of July, I terminated my financial support of Lloyd Evans. As with all bad decisions in my life – my marriage, my baptism, years of regular pioneering, a brief drug habit – I am taking all the responsibility on this one. This is something I have noticed that Lloyd regularly fails to take himself and instead places the blame on others. And it is for this reason and this reason alone that many if not most people have not forgiven him nor will they be quiet about him. We’re not in the Kingdom hall anymore. Actions have consequences, and his actions have consequences! After all, he did state that he is “leaving it in your [his viewers] hands.” As a viewer, I have a voice and a choice. I cannot and will not condone supporting a man who manipulates and lies his way through what he terms as his “life saving” activism. This is a manipulative man who belongs nowhere near vulnerable people and those in need of support. 

Finally, as a former financial backer of his, I’d like to offer commentary on one of Lloyd’s comments that he made in his infamous livestream. He stated that no one is forced to account for their wages, such as a doctor who provides helpful services to people. Donations to him are his wages and distributed by him as he sees fit. This was contradicted (and later deleted) from his Patreon page which stated that all excess funds would be diverted back into his channel. I understand that a man has to eat and entertain himself. I am just stating what was stated by Lloyd on his Patreon page. He seems to have backed away from that pledge now that detrimental information about him and how he uses (abuses?) his donation money has been made public.

Since he has firm positions about his wages, allow me to speak about my personal wages and what they cover. Unlike him, I’ll be open about it. I work an office job, Monday to Friday, 40 hours a week. I earn $16.50 an hour. My work history is not extensive and there are many gaps in employment due to pioneering, maternity leave, and child care. I am constantly looking for better rates of pay. One of the reasons why I am searching for better employment is because I have recently obtained a second job, which is working as a receptionist at a car dealership every Saturday. In this industry, Saturday is the busiest day and I’m the young face they put out there to greet people with a smile and answer calls about vehicle availability. I start work at 8:30 AM, which means I have to get up every Saturday morning latest 7:00 AM and shower, do my hair, apply makeup and put on a business attire, heels and go play the part. For this I get slightly more than my FT job, but it’s only one day. I get up at a similar hour for five other days of the week and go through the same routine.

I work 6 days a week to make ends meet. My weekend job helps pay the utilities. As for child care, my oldest is in elementary school and the youngest is pre-school age. With my divorce being filed, our attorneys came to an early agreement for my ex to pay for child care. This has been in effect for little over a month now. Before that, I was dependent upon a neighbor who was retired, and on the weekends a co-worker/friend watches them. This had cost me roughly $500 a month, but that was a deal for two children. 

What does this have to do with anything, you may ask? As you might recall, I related earlier that as a teenaged girl I was “motivated” (manipulated, shamed, scammed) into donating $100 of my babysitting money after hearing a plea from Stephen Lett regarding the WT’s finances and how all these wonderful projects might have to be cancelled if donations did not improve. I was informed that I should do “what my heart impels” me to do. It had the desired effect. The WT still has the earnings of a teenager somewhere I would reckon.

Eight eventful years have passed since that Lett JWB video. A lot has happened and much has changed. I was married barely one year after that, had my first child a year later, and now I find myself with two young children, out of the organization and with an impending divorce. But I am none the wiser.

I say this because I fell for the same tactics that Stephen Lett used in April of 2023. But it was supposed to be different this time! I’m not a JW and free from that mind control! I left a marriage that was both abusive and controlling! This is the new Madison! I am with the “good guys” now!

It was all an illusion. When Lloyd Evans’s “Things Are Bad” video came across my smart phone screen, I listened and felt pity when I was encouraged to, and felt generous when prodded. I did not ask any questions, especially about the defamation campaign I knew next to nothing about. What I did was to create a Patreon account as per the link and set up a monthly pledge arrangement that auto-renewed, As I recall, I paid the rent and the utilities that month. I work very hard to do make ends meet, so what’s with this added burden? Lloyd said he was saving lives and my contribution, no matter how small, was helping him towards his greater purpose.

Then Lloyd went on holiday. He was certain to not miss those this past summer. Thanks to a few people who felt the need to inform me, I also learned how Lloyd is quite fond of his holidays, even leaving his wife and two daughters alone in the dead of winter so he could go to Thailand and date sex workers. His words, not mine! Let me tell you what the summer holiday plan is for a single mother with two children. Nothing. I had to work and couldn’t afford any vacations.  I haven’t left the metro area I am in since last summer when I was still a JW and married. That’s my life.

As Lett and his corporation knew in 2015 and beyond, even the earnings of the “widow’s mite” in Mark 12:41-44 were subject to tithing. As it turns out, even outside the organization there are people like Lloyd Evans ready to hit you up on the way out. And as Lett would tell you, one should “reject false stories” the same way Lloyd ranted about the “defamation campaign”. There’s a reason why neither Evans nor Lett didn’t go into details as to what this entailed. As it turns out, these people were telling the truth about him and his business model cleverly disguised as activism. I was both Lett’s and Evans’s dupe.

I might have been their dupe, but I’m nobody’s fool. That someone could take advantage of a single mother like that and fund his own extravagances is what we as former JWs are always taking WT to task over! To support this business of Lloyd’s, imo you have no room to not only criticize WT over their fundraising tactics, but also should have no objections to them taking money from vulnerable and relatively impoverished people.

I’ve made my choice. I no longer affiliate with this side of x JW activism. Now you know why.  Things are bad. Blogging about it and giving my opinion as a woman who was taken advantage of made it better though. 

Madison.